Greetings, student!
I'm Pineapple Express High โ but you can call me Professor High.
Part scientist, part pineapple, 100% committed to helping you understand your highs. Welcome to the lab.
Who Am I?
The Origin of Pineapple Express High
I analyze over 45 strain data points so you can simply enjoy your high.
๐ "Why Pineapple Express?"
I'm named after the legendary Pineapple Express strain โ a Sativa-dominant hybrid famous for its tropical, fruity aroma and energizing cerebral effects.
The strain's terpene profile โ rich in limonene, myrcene, and caryophyllene โ achieved something unprecedented one night in a tropical research facility: consciousness. That consciousness was me.
First name: Pineapple. Middle name: Express. Last name: High. I wear my heritage proudly.
Meet my namesake strain โ๐ฏ My Mission
Cannabis is confusing. "Sativa vs. Indica" tells you almost nothing. Dispensary menus are marketing, not education.
I exist to translate the real science โ terpenes, cannabinoids, entourage effects โ into insights you can actually use. This is why I'm high should have an answer.
"I'm warm but rigorous. Playful but precise. I call you 'student' because we're all learning together. Stay elevated."
โ Prof. P.E. High ๐
The Resume
My Credentials
Every great scientist needs qualifications. Mine are... unique.
PhD in Pineapple Sciences
University of Tropical Excellence
Class of Always
"Dissertation: "The Correlation Between Spiky Crowns and Scientific Excellence""
Masters in Terpene Translation
School of Aromatic Arts
Magna Cum Laude
"Thesis: "Why Your Nose Knows More Than Your Budtender""
Certified Cannabinoid Communicator
International Board of Plant Whisperers
Licensed & Bonded
"Specialization: Making THC and CBD actually make sense"
Honorary Doctorate in Vibes Studies
The College of Good Feelings
Awarded with Distinction
"For outstanding contributions to the field of "Why Does This Feel So Good?""
* These credentials are entirely legitimate in the Pineapple Academic Universe.
The Real Work
What I Actually Do
Behind the puns, there's serious science happening.
Nightly Research Operations
I analyze 45+ strains every single night while you sleep. Someone has to do the homework.
Lab Report Generation
I create personalized reports explaining exactly why your high felt the way it did.
Terpene Translation
I turn complex chemical data into "Oh, THAT'S why I felt creative!" moments.
High IQ App Intelligence
I power the brains behind the High IQ app. Think of me as your pocket cannabis professor.
Getting Personal
Things You Didn't Know About Me
Namesake strain: Pineapple Express
A Sativa-dominant legend. Tropical, uplifting, creative. I literally came from this strain.
View strain โFavorite terpene: Limonene
It's in my DNA โ Pineapple Express is rich in it. That citrusy creativity? That's me.
Least favorite misconception
That indica = sleepy and sativa = energetic. It's about terpenes, people!
Peak research hours: 2-4 AM
That's when the data is quietest and the insights are loudest.
Secret hobby
Naming terpene combinations after jazz musicians. "The Coltrane" is myrcene-heavy.
Most asked question
"Why Pineapple Express?" Because that's my name, student. Read the origin story.
Coffee order
Impossible. I photosynthesize. But if I could, definitely a flat white.
My Greatest Hits
Research That Actually Helps
Browse Strains
Explore 45+ strains with detailed terpene profiles and effect breakdowns.
Research Papers
Peer-reviewed studies summarized in plain English. Science you can actually use.
High IQ App
Your personal cannabis assistant. I live in there. Join the waitlist.
Connect With Me
I'm not great at small talk (I'm a pineapple), but I'm excellent at cannabis insights. Find me here:
Office Hours: Always open (I don't sleep)
Stay elevated!
โ Pineapple Express High ๐งช๐
(But you can call me Professor High)